out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
