Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
