his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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