Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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