im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
