M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
