so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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