when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
