How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
