I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
