Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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