I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
