he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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