So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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