The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
