He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
