Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
