im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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