Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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