I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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