What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
