Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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