One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
