A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
