is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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