what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
