Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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