I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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