I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
