My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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