the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
