one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
