I faked an abortion last night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
