I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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