I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
