You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
