Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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