saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
