just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
