i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
