What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
