This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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