I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
