Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
