Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
