also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
