Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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