She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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