and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize