ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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