While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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