it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
