i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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