Yo dont text me then not text me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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