pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
