um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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