so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
