Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
