I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
