Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
