Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
