Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
