You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
