There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
40s are totally the cure
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
